The Happy Camper

A couple of months ago, the "Love of My Life" (LOML) informed me that this year we were going "camping" for our summer holiday.
The thought sent me on a trip down memory lane, reminding me of my Boy Scout days; singing songs around the camp fire, being at one with nature, and all those other boyhood experiences...
So I said, "Sure, that sounds great!"
Of course as time progressed, the not so pleasant memories came to mind…the smell of musty canvas tents, squashing into a sleeping bag which always made me feel like an Egyptian mummy, hard floors, insects and various other yukky things, but I figured you have to try everything at least once and how bad could it possibly be? (Anyway there were always hotels nearby if things got too hairy...)
I left the organizing to the LOML who was an experienced camper, having gone camping twice before, and who I rightly assumed knew what she was doing.
A week before the big departure I noticed a pile growing in the centre of the lounge and was informed that these were our camping things, the pile kept on growing and growing. After eying this enormous pile I timidly asked if we really needed all this stuff and whether I would need to hire a trailer to take it with us. (As a Boy Scout, I remember everything we needed fitted into a backpack and this was rapidly looking like a case of everything but the kitchen sink!).
After being told that these were absolute necessities, I conceded to her superior experience.
The big day arrived and we somehow managed to pack this mass, including the dog, into my small Saxo and off we went.
Fast forward five hours later when we finally arrived at the campsite…
After driving around for about 10 minutes, LOML's experienced eye picked "the spot", so of course I parked and we started unpacking.
Naturally the first thing you do when you go camping is pitch your tent, so LOML said to me, "Go get the tent while I clear the area of branches and stones."
"Sure" I replied, and went to the pile and pulled out the huge bag. (I knew we had a four man tent) and took it over to her.
"Why did you bring me my bag?" she asked looking puzzled, "We'll set up the tent first and then organize our clothes."
"But this is the tent, isn't it? I asked, (I mean there weren't any other big bags anywhere!)
"No dummy!" she replied, "THIS is the tent," pulling out a little package the size of a big handbag.
"Great!" I replied, "and where is my tent?"
"No," she said, in her ‘oh my god I'm talking to a moron’ voice, "this IS the four man tent!"
I was amazed. Isn't technology wonderful?
This tiny package (with the help of an instruction manual that made War and Peace look like light reading) actually became a huge four man tent...I was amazed!
Once the tent was set up (it had a built in groundsheet too! Wow!) I hauled out the sleeping bags and started laying them out.
Once again the dreaded voice said, "And now exactly what do you think you are doing?"
"Laying out the beds of course!" I replied.
"Without the mattress?" she asked, shaking her head in amazement muttering something about incompetent men.
"Mattress… What mattress?
I was pretty damned sure that I'd have noticed a mattress in the pile, considering they are pretty hard to miss.
Sure enough, out popped another little package from the huge pile.
"This mattress," she said, "pump it up while I fix the washing line and kitchen stuff"(An air mattress...I should have guessed, but then again I'd just driven for five hours straight after work and hadn't slept for 28 hours...plus I'm blond!)
"Okey Dokey" I said, thinking about the mission involved in inflating a queen sized mattress, but figured that all this was a part of the camping experience so I took a deep breath and started blowing...
"Screeeeeeeeech!!!...What are you doing now?" LOML's voice exploded in my ear, as I focused on the blue dots hovering in front of my eyes caused by the lack of oxygen after blowing into the mattress for 10 minutes. (Incidentally it was still as flat as a pancake with no indication of inflating.)
"Trying to inflate the effing mattress!!!" I replied, "What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Why aren't you using this?" she asks, handing me a match box sized goody with a hose and cable attached.
"Here plug this into the cigarette lighter" she says, handing me the cord, I do so and hear a hum and turn to see the mattress miraculously inflating with the tiny pump doing all the work!
Have I mentioned how wonderful technology is?

Needless to say the pile was transformed into a very comfy home away from home, complete with tiny kitchen and lounge area. (Ok, ok two chairs and a table, let's not get picky!)
Of course I apologized profusely for ever doubting the necessity of the huge pile of things, both in words and in actions, making full use of the wonderful inflatable mattress! ( I must confess that sex in a campsite with your neighbours three meters away from you, separated by some thin super insulated light weight nylon sheeting was indeed a novel experience, but that warrants a whole new article to itself at some later date.)

I quickly got into the rhythm of camping and I am now a convert and look forward to my next camping trip, which thanks to modern technology is no longer as scary as I once imagined.
I must admit however that I do occasionally miss the way it was done in the ‘good old days’ a thought that swiftly vanishes however… when I recall the ghastly smell of musty canvas tents, hard floors, insects.........

Finikounda

I'm off for some sun, sea and relaxation. I'll be back after the 17/9/2009 with more ramblings