Facebook Bonks Me On The Head

Facebook is a wonderful way to connect with old friends right?
Personally I'm an avid user and love the way it enables me to get in touch from people from way back when.
Anyway to get to the point, one night (actually early morning) I was busy browsing through some articles when I read one that mentioned how many old loves were being re-united via Facebook. This got me thinking about some my old flames, so I did a search and found my old sweetheart "B" (we were an item in the early eighties!) I did the usual friend request and then promptly forgot about it. A few days later I noticed she'd accepted my request and sent me the usual mail about herself and what she was up to.
I went to her profile to do what we all do…which is to look for photos, but all she had posted were a few irrelevant shots of Cape Town and a picture of a turtle, even her profile picture was a cartoon of some sort (Totally normal of course, lots of people don't put photos of themselves on Facebook.)
I replied to the mail and mentioned that I now lived in Greece, three minutes later I got another mail telling me that she was coming on holiday to Greece and that we should meet up, so I gave her my phone number and told her to call when she arrived.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, "B" calls and says she is in Athens, so we obviously arrange to get together and decide to meet at a little coffee shop in downtown Athens; where we use to have breakfast when we were on holiday here one year (Of course it's a hamburger place now, but it was the thought that counted.)
On the appointed day I made my way to the above-mentioned "Coffee shop", I entered the shop looked around and then, my heart lurched...there she was, sitting at "our" table. (I swear I heard violins playing and waves gently crashing on the shore under a moonlit sky) My first thought was, "I don't believe it, she looks exactly the same as when I left her 27 years ago".
The second thought that popped into my head was, "Did she marry a plastic surgeon and will he give me a discount?"
I approached the table slowly, after sniffing my underarms to ensure that my deodorant was still active. I must admit I was trembling and my heart was racing...
"Hi" I said in a husky voice.
She looked up and said...., "Hi you must be Uncle Greg, mom's told me all about you!!" (Sound of glass shattering, violin strings breaking and the sea disappearing down a big drain)
I couldn't believe it! Her daughter was the split image of the girl I knew!
"So where's your moth....," I started to ask, only to be interrupted by a screech, "Greeeeeegyyyyyy!!!!!"…
I turned around to see this massive apparition with peroxide blonde hair wearing what only can be described as a mumu, made from material usually seen on curtains, lumbering towards me.
"I'd have recognized you ANYWHERE!" she bellowed, in a voice that probably curdled all the milk in neighbourhood.
I thought... "Who is this woman? It couldn't possibly be...,” and yet it was, "B", larger than life and that's no exaggeration.
"I know, I know! I've put on a little weight since you last saw me, it's middle age, I hardly eat a thing” she explained.
Shell shocked and speechless I sat at the table while she talked non-stop, not giving me a chance to get a word in edgewise, I sat there scrunching my eyes trying to see at least a trace of the person I once knew, but to no avail. Anyway after about twenty minutes of this monologue, she finally took a break to inquire if we were going to nibble on something while we chatted as she hadn't eaten since breakfast.
“Sure,” I said, and called the waiter over.
"Three double cheese burgers, a large order of fries with cheese, bacon and mayo and a large chocolate milkshake please”, she told the waiter and then turned to me and her daughter and asked, "What are you guys having...?"
Needless to say I choked on my coffee...
"Hmm I'm not really hungry", I replied, "I'll just have another coffee."
The daughter excused herself to go shopping, leaving me there with her mom (squint, squint, scrunch, scrunch, peer from the corner of my eye) shoving food into her mouth and still talking incessantly between bites.
I couldn't believe how much she had changed, not only in appearance but in personality too, there was nothing left of the girl I once knew. I eventually told her a bit of my life, naturally stressing the fact that I was in a wonderful relationship (she'd already dropped some hints about being divorced and that her daughter had her own room at the hotel). At some point in the conversation she turned to me and said, "Greg, may I be very open and tell you something? Please don't be offended or get upset, but I'm only telling you this because I have known you for so long"
I gulped and thought, "Oh oh, no more subtle hints, here it comes...”
"Have you ever thought of seeing a psychologist?" she continued, "You have a very bad tic, that squinting and scrunching of your eyes is very disconcerting and I'm sure a psychologist can help you cure it!"
That did it! I collapsed on the floor, laughing hysterically, tears rolling down my face. It took me a good ten minutes to recover and when I did I found her looking at me with a pitying expression on her face. I knew she was convinced I was a bit weird, which I admit suited me fine.
We said goodbye and promised to stay in touch and I headed out of there as quickly as I could, vowing to never make the same mistake again!
I guess sometimes it's better to let memories just stay memories…