I've noticed a really strange trend over the last couple of years and it's the phenomenon I call "pseudo lesbianism"
Greek girls tend to be rather affectionate with each other so I was never phased when I'd see a couple of school girls walking together holding hands, or groups of girls having coffee together giving each other an occasional hug. It's normal right?..Girl's nights out where you can talk about girl things.
One day I'm sitting at my usual place at the bar having served yet another group of such girls, when one of them comes up to me and says, "Hi I'm Daisy and I'm a lesbian!" blink blink blink
I mean what do you say to that?.. "Hi I'm Greg so I guess a f*ck is out the question????" I didn't of course, and I smiled and said, "Oh...??.. "uncomfortable silence... "That's nice."
"You don't mind do you?" she asks, Mind?? I really couldn't give a shit so I said, "Dearie I make coffee and serve it to you, what you do in bed it entirely your own business!"
Satisfied with that she went of to her girlfriends, murmured something, and in a matter of seconds they'd paired off and started snogging like crazy.
After about 5 minutes of this I called her over and said, "Listen sweety, I don't care whether you're gay, straight or into big fluffy toys, this is NOT an hotel and those couches are NOT beds. No face licking and semi sex in the shop and this applies to all couples whether they be gay or straight" (Now to all the guys reading this and thinking to themselves ..."What a woose!", I know!!!!.... another male fantasy bites the dust, but believe me guys, there is NOTHING erotic about a couple of 5 foot, crew cut "girls" built like rugby players, sucking face!)
Subdued she went back to her friends, murmured something again, once again in a matter of seconds they had separated and were merrily drinking their coffee and chatting as if nothing had happened. (I thought I was in the "Twilight Zone!)
Two weeks later a familiar face walks into the shop, I have a problem putting names to faces but I knew she'd been here before so I greeted her with a smile, she informed me that she was meeting someone, so I left her at her table and told her to call me when her friend had arrived. Sure enough a few minutes later a young guy arrives and sits at her table, I take them their coffees and leave them, a couple of hours later I see that this was obviously a first date that was going VERY VERY well, ( I kept ducking to avoid the hearts floating around) then it came to me, (picture light bulb exploding) this was Daisy...... the LESBIAN!!!!!!
Gone were the baggy jeans and baseball cap, she was all dolled up in a skirt and wearing MAKEUP!!
I couldn't resist and waited patiently for an opening, at some point the boyfriend disappears to buy cigarettes and I saunter over to her and ask innocently, "Aren't you Daisy the lesbian??" She informed me that now that she's found a boyfriend she was no longer a lesbian and please not to mention anything in front of the guy because she really, really likes him. I told her not to sweat that it was really none of my business so she relaxed, unfortunately the boyfriend came back at that stage and cut my conversation short.
Now I am and have always been totally open minded, but this new trend has nothing to do with exploring your sexuality, something which I would fully understand and accept.
It seems to operate on the same principle that something like smoking did back in the old days. It was "in" to smoke and you smoked because your friends smoked, today it seems to be "I'm cool I'm a lesbian" In fact over the past two years I've met so many "lesbians" that I think that if I was an 18 year old single guy, I'd seriously be considering cross-dressing in the hope of ever getting laid.
Strangely enough, the guys don't have a similar trend, with the exception of the "emo" movement which really did not catch on that much in Greece.
Oops!... I seem to be doing this middle age parent thing (scary!!!) so before I really hit rock bottom and totally ruin my image I once again bid you all a goodnight!!
( You of course know that I really don't go to sleep after writing this blog but that's besides the point......!!!!)
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Has anyone found any loose screws lately??
One of the really fun things about having a coffeeshop is the variety of people you meet and amongst them of course are the few characters that inspire you to write about them.
Let me introduce you to a few of them and you'll see what I mean.
The first is a "lady" in her thirties who has been coming to the shop for about six years and is a regular customer, we call her "Cuckoo"and you'll soon understand why.
First a brief description..... Imagine a slender lady with a red hair, cut in a pixie style who walks like a duck..the front of her hairdo is always immaculately styled but for some reason she never gets round to the back of her head, so her hair there is always flat. She always wears bright red lipstick and I have yet to see her without it not having smeared on her teeth (we're talking about six years now) and as if all that isn't bad enough she talks exactly like Donald Duck (this is an important detail so keep it in mind!)
When I first met her, I was my usual friendly self and after she'd been in a few times I asked her her name so that I could do the PR bit, ..then she started talking and talking and talking and talking (remember Donald Duck)...the woman would not shut up... at some point I tore myself away, saved by some new customers who needed serving, I got their orders, made their coffees and happened to glance over at dear "Cuckoo's" table.....she was STILL talking not phased in the slightest by my absence. After this happened on several other occasions I quickly learnt not to say much, just take her order and leave.
She also had this peculiar habit of not paying the full amount for her coffee, she would always give exactly two cents less. We ignored it the first few times and then politely informed her that coffee costs three euros and NOT two euros ninety eight. Her answer was that due to the fact that she did not drink milk in her coffee it was only fair that she deduct the value of the milk from the final price.........(jaw hits the floor as I stare at her in amazement, speechless)When I recovered I informed her that it didn't exactly work that way and that we charge for the coffee only,milk and sugar were free! She was happy with that.(She now drinks her coffee EXTRA sweet with LOTS of milk but she does pay the full price!)
Over the years she has basically behaved herself, once we figured out that it was a huge mistake to make any kind of small talk with her.
Of course she is still her nutty self, just last week she came in and asked me if I minded if she had a cup of coffee and payed for it the next time she came in, as she had left her purse at home. I naturally told her not to worry and that the coffee was on the house. (This then progressed into another endless monologue but being an expert at dealing with the situation at this stage I just let her talk and carried on reading my book.) All of a sudden she taps me on the shoulder and asks if I mind if she has one of my cigarettes, I tell her to go right ahead and what do I see? She whips out this huge cigarette case and promptly fills it leaving one in the packet. She then puts the cigarette case in her bag, takes the last cigarette from the packet, lights up, pockets my lighter and leaves....I'm left gaping like a fish! (Remember this is after I've already treated her the coffee)
Now I guess I could make a fuss but the truth is apart from the fact that the woman is kinda nuts, she has been a regular customer for years and in a funny sort of way I am rather fond of her.(Of course I now hide my cigarettes the minute I see her approaching!)
In the next episode you 'll meet the "oooooof family" but now I think it's time for bed
So on that nutty note I bid you all goodnight!
Let me introduce you to a few of them and you'll see what I mean.
The first is a "lady" in her thirties who has been coming to the shop for about six years and is a regular customer, we call her "Cuckoo"and you'll soon understand why.
First a brief description..... Imagine a slender lady with a red hair, cut in a pixie style who walks like a duck..the front of her hairdo is always immaculately styled but for some reason she never gets round to the back of her head, so her hair there is always flat. She always wears bright red lipstick and I have yet to see her without it not having smeared on her teeth (we're talking about six years now) and as if all that isn't bad enough she talks exactly like Donald Duck (this is an important detail so keep it in mind!)
When I first met her, I was my usual friendly self and after she'd been in a few times I asked her her name so that I could do the PR bit, ..then she started talking and talking and talking and talking (remember Donald Duck)...the woman would not shut up... at some point I tore myself away, saved by some new customers who needed serving, I got their orders, made their coffees and happened to glance over at dear "Cuckoo's" table.....she was STILL talking not phased in the slightest by my absence. After this happened on several other occasions I quickly learnt not to say much, just take her order and leave.
She also had this peculiar habit of not paying the full amount for her coffee, she would always give exactly two cents less. We ignored it the first few times and then politely informed her that coffee costs three euros and NOT two euros ninety eight. Her answer was that due to the fact that she did not drink milk in her coffee it was only fair that she deduct the value of the milk from the final price.........(jaw hits the floor as I stare at her in amazement, speechless)When I recovered I informed her that it didn't exactly work that way and that we charge for the coffee only,milk and sugar were free! She was happy with that.(She now drinks her coffee EXTRA sweet with LOTS of milk but she does pay the full price!)
Over the years she has basically behaved herself, once we figured out that it was a huge mistake to make any kind of small talk with her.
Of course she is still her nutty self, just last week she came in and asked me if I minded if she had a cup of coffee and payed for it the next time she came in, as she had left her purse at home. I naturally told her not to worry and that the coffee was on the house. (This then progressed into another endless monologue but being an expert at dealing with the situation at this stage I just let her talk and carried on reading my book.) All of a sudden she taps me on the shoulder and asks if I mind if she has one of my cigarettes, I tell her to go right ahead and what do I see? She whips out this huge cigarette case and promptly fills it leaving one in the packet. She then puts the cigarette case in her bag, takes the last cigarette from the packet, lights up, pockets my lighter and leaves....I'm left gaping like a fish! (Remember this is after I've already treated her the coffee)
Now I guess I could make a fuss but the truth is apart from the fact that the woman is kinda nuts, she has been a regular customer for years and in a funny sort of way I am rather fond of her.(Of course I now hide my cigarettes the minute I see her approaching!)
In the next episode you 'll meet the "oooooof family" but now I think it's time for bed
So on that nutty note I bid you all goodnight!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Is that a NAIL through your eyebrow????
I'm constantly amazed by the number of piercings kids nowadays have EVERYWHERE!
I remember back in the 80's when I took the big step and pierced my ear...Boy was that extreme!!! Of course you had to take care not to pierce the "wrong" ear because if you had an earring in the right ear you were....gasp...G-A-Y! Now I was a pretty radical kinda guy so after the first earring I did the then unheard of thing and had a SECOND hole pierced, thus causing chaos everywhere I went with people staring in amazement.
Fast forward a few years later to the 90's, pierced ears are now a dime a dozen and no-one even blinks at the sight anymore, but a new trend is appearing amongst the girls...pierced belly buttons..ouch right? That's what I thought until one fine day when a girl I had my eye on told me she was planning on piercing her naval, not one to miss an opening like that I immediately informed her that quite "coincidentally" I was thinking of having mine done too and offered to go with her and so I acquired a third hole ...on my belly button. The good thing is that I also got the girl.
Now my parents weren't quite so open minded about the whole guys and earrings thing so going to visit them involved removing the rings/studs from my ears and replacing them afterward so you can imagine the ordeal I was about to suffer one fine summer when I decided to go and stay with them at our village house in the Peloponnese.....it was S-U-M-M-E-R so who goes around wearing a shirt in 40 degree weather??? Well, I did!
It so happened that we had some friends staying over and with them their 5 year old son. One fine day I took them all to the beach whipped off my shirt and took the kid for a swim..you know the whole "horsey" game that amuses them so much. Naturally as a normal five year old he was insatiably curious about everything and it wasn't long before he spotted my belly ring...oops again right?
"Why jougotta eahwing in jor bewwy bottom Unca Gweg?" he asked, with big eyes staring in amazement. Luckily at that moment his mommy called him and I dove into the sea and removed the incriminating evidence.
I came out the water just in time to catch the tail end of the conversation
"...earrings go into ears Tommy, that is why they are called ear (pointing at her ear) rings (pointing to her wedding band)."
"But Unca Gweg got one in his bewwy bottom, I thaw it"
"Ha ha ha. the imagination kids have, how on earth did he come up with something like that? Want an ice-cream Tommy?"
Luckily five year olds have incredibly short attention spans and nothing was ever heard about the mysterious eawing in my bewwy bottom again.
Fast forward to about 2002, I was teaching a class at a local gym when i noticed my first "nose piercing" I admit I stared because I'd never thought anyone would do anything like that and to top it all this dear girl informed me that she wanted to have her eyebrow pierced! I shuddered at the idea and thought to myself, "Who on earth will find something like that attractive?"(Don't worry this time I did NOT follow suit!)
Today I see so many piercing and they still amaze me, eyebrows upper lips,lower lips, noses, tongues ( I still go ouch with the idea of this one) and to crown it all, genital and nipple piercings!!Ouch ouch ouch ouch!!!!!
Do you remember those National Geographic documentaries where they showed all those African tribes with corks in their lower lips and ears?
Well they sure are trendy now aren't they?
I must admit that I am basically earring-less in 2009, it's a case of being there, done that, plus the fact that I kept losing those damn earrings but I still have the holes to prove it and tell stories about my time as a rebel.
On that note I wish you all a good night.
I remember back in the 80's when I took the big step and pierced my ear...Boy was that extreme!!! Of course you had to take care not to pierce the "wrong" ear because if you had an earring in the right ear you were....gasp...G-A-Y! Now I was a pretty radical kinda guy so after the first earring I did the then unheard of thing and had a SECOND hole pierced, thus causing chaos everywhere I went with people staring in amazement.
Fast forward a few years later to the 90's, pierced ears are now a dime a dozen and no-one even blinks at the sight anymore, but a new trend is appearing amongst the girls...pierced belly buttons..ouch right? That's what I thought until one fine day when a girl I had my eye on told me she was planning on piercing her naval, not one to miss an opening like that I immediately informed her that quite "coincidentally" I was thinking of having mine done too and offered to go with her and so I acquired a third hole ...on my belly button. The good thing is that I also got the girl.
Now my parents weren't quite so open minded about the whole guys and earrings thing so going to visit them involved removing the rings/studs from my ears and replacing them afterward so you can imagine the ordeal I was about to suffer one fine summer when I decided to go and stay with them at our village house in the Peloponnese.....it was S-U-M-M-E-R so who goes around wearing a shirt in 40 degree weather??? Well, I did!
It so happened that we had some friends staying over and with them their 5 year old son. One fine day I took them all to the beach whipped off my shirt and took the kid for a swim..you know the whole "horsey" game that amuses them so much. Naturally as a normal five year old he was insatiably curious about everything and it wasn't long before he spotted my belly ring...oops again right?
"Why jougotta eahwing in jor bewwy bottom Unca Gweg?" he asked, with big eyes staring in amazement. Luckily at that moment his mommy called him and I dove into the sea and removed the incriminating evidence.
I came out the water just in time to catch the tail end of the conversation
"...earrings go into ears Tommy, that is why they are called ear (pointing at her ear) rings (pointing to her wedding band)."
"But Unca Gweg got one in his bewwy bottom, I thaw it"
"Ha ha ha. the imagination kids have, how on earth did he come up with something like that? Want an ice-cream Tommy?"
Luckily five year olds have incredibly short attention spans and nothing was ever heard about the mysterious eawing in my bewwy bottom again.
Fast forward to about 2002, I was teaching a class at a local gym when i noticed my first "nose piercing" I admit I stared because I'd never thought anyone would do anything like that and to top it all this dear girl informed me that she wanted to have her eyebrow pierced! I shuddered at the idea and thought to myself, "Who on earth will find something like that attractive?"(Don't worry this time I did NOT follow suit!)
Today I see so many piercing and they still amaze me, eyebrows upper lips,lower lips, noses, tongues ( I still go ouch with the idea of this one) and to crown it all, genital and nipple piercings!!Ouch ouch ouch ouch!!!!!
Do you remember those National Geographic documentaries where they showed all those African tribes with corks in their lower lips and ears?
Well they sure are trendy now aren't they?
I must admit that I am basically earring-less in 2009, it's a case of being there, done that, plus the fact that I kept losing those damn earrings but I still have the holes to prove it and tell stories about my time as a rebel.
On that note I wish you all a good night.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Once Upon A Summer's Night
I suppose the best way to start this blog is just do it. The most difficult thing about this great idea was writing this first post.
I suppose it's perfectly ok to ramble as this is what the spirit of this blog is all about so on with the rambling...
It's 3.30 am on a hot and sultry summer's night in Athens, my antiquated air-conditioner is wheezing out a steady stream of ice cold air, and yes I know I sound like the opening of a classic Private Eye movie....but I've always wanted to use that opening somewhere.
As usual I'm wide awake and I'm beginning to wonder if this insomnia has anything to do with age.
It's funny but lately I've noticed that all those emails you get with titles like "10 things that show you are middle aged" have stopped being funny because they are usually spot on.
I was browsing through my Face-Book and one of my friends jokingly remarked that you know you are getting old when you go to the car dealership and specify you prefer a car with automatic transmission, instead of laughing I found myself mentally agreeing..now that is tragic.
I'm lucky enough to work in an environment where I am surrounded by teenagers and kids in their twenties, as a result you tend to forget how old you are, until you meet the parents, who are usually younger than you are. Now that's a total reality jolt and yet it's also a huge ego boost because I can look at them and say I don't look like that and I don't.
In retrospect I've come to the conclusion that I've always been an insomniac and age really has nothing to do with it, in fact age has really little to do with anything other that to give me something to ramble on about for about two paragraphs thus filling up the page.
It reminds me of school essays that had to be a thousand words in length, I was really good at rambling and filling pages of absolutely meaningless information.
If you are reading this blog for the first time don't worry it will get better, my main objective this morning is to get this part out the way so that I can get on to the interesting stuff and on that note I'll bid you all a good night as I attempt to sleep at last
I suppose it's perfectly ok to ramble as this is what the spirit of this blog is all about so on with the rambling...
It's 3.30 am on a hot and sultry summer's night in Athens, my antiquated air-conditioner is wheezing out a steady stream of ice cold air, and yes I know I sound like the opening of a classic Private Eye movie....but I've always wanted to use that opening somewhere.
As usual I'm wide awake and I'm beginning to wonder if this insomnia has anything to do with age.
It's funny but lately I've noticed that all those emails you get with titles like "10 things that show you are middle aged" have stopped being funny because they are usually spot on.
I was browsing through my Face-Book and one of my friends jokingly remarked that you know you are getting old when you go to the car dealership and specify you prefer a car with automatic transmission, instead of laughing I found myself mentally agreeing..now that is tragic.
I'm lucky enough to work in an environment where I am surrounded by teenagers and kids in their twenties, as a result you tend to forget how old you are, until you meet the parents, who are usually younger than you are. Now that's a total reality jolt and yet it's also a huge ego boost because I can look at them and say I don't look like that and I don't.
In retrospect I've come to the conclusion that I've always been an insomniac and age really has nothing to do with it, in fact age has really little to do with anything other that to give me something to ramble on about for about two paragraphs thus filling up the page.
It reminds me of school essays that had to be a thousand words in length, I was really good at rambling and filling pages of absolutely meaningless information.
If you are reading this blog for the first time don't worry it will get better, my main objective this morning is to get this part out the way so that I can get on to the interesting stuff and on that note I'll bid you all a good night as I attempt to sleep at last
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