Has anyone found any loose screws lately??

One of the really fun things about having a coffeeshop is the variety of people you meet and amongst them of course are the few characters that inspire you to write about them.
Let me introduce you to a few of them and you'll see what I mean.
The first is a "lady" in her thirties who has been coming to the shop for about six years and is a regular customer, we call her "Cuckoo"and you'll soon understand why.
First a brief description..... Imagine a slender lady with a red hair, cut in a pixie style who walks like a duck..the front of her hairdo is always immaculately styled but for some reason she never gets round to the back of her head, so her hair there is always flat. She always wears bright red lipstick and I have yet to see her without it not having smeared on her teeth (we're talking about six years now) and as if all that isn't bad enough she talks exactly like Donald Duck (this is an important detail so keep it in mind!)
When I first met her, I was my usual friendly self and after she'd been in a few times I asked her her name so that I could do the PR bit, ..then she started talking and talking and talking and talking (remember Donald Duck)...the woman would not shut up... at some point I tore myself away, saved by some new customers who needed serving, I got their orders, made their coffees and happened to glance over at dear "Cuckoo's" table.....she was STILL talking not phased in the slightest by my absence. After this happened on several other occasions I quickly learnt not to say much, just take her order and leave.
She also had this peculiar habit of not paying the full amount for her coffee, she would always give exactly two cents less. We ignored it the first few times and then politely informed her that coffee costs three euros and NOT two euros ninety eight. Her answer was that due to the fact that she did not drink milk in her coffee it was only fair that she deduct the value of the milk from the final price.........(jaw hits the floor as I stare at her in amazement, speechless)When I recovered I informed her that it didn't exactly work that way and that we charge for the coffee only,milk and sugar were free! She was happy with that.(She now drinks her coffee EXTRA sweet with LOTS of milk but she does pay the full price!)
Over the years she has basically behaved herself, once we figured out that it was a huge mistake to make any kind of small talk with her.
Of course she is still her nutty self, just last week she came in and asked me if I minded if she had a cup of coffee and payed for it the next time she came in, as she had left her purse at home. I naturally told her not to worry and that the coffee was on the house. (This then progressed into another endless monologue but being an expert at dealing with the situation at this stage I just let her talk and carried on reading my book.) All of a sudden she taps me on the shoulder and asks if I mind if she has one of my cigarettes, I tell her to go right ahead and what do I see? She whips out this huge cigarette case and promptly fills it leaving one in the packet. She then puts the cigarette case in her bag, takes the last cigarette from the packet, lights up, pockets my lighter and leaves....I'm left gaping like a fish! (Remember this is after I've already treated her the coffee)
Now I guess I could make a fuss but the truth is apart from the fact that the woman is kinda nuts, she has been a regular customer for years and in a funny sort of way I am rather fond of her.(Of course I now hide my cigarettes the minute I see her approaching!)
In the next episode you 'll meet the "oooooof family" but now I think it's time for bed
So on that nutty note I bid you all goodnight!